2011年3月16日 星期三

The Miserable Day

It was a suuny day. Andy is a senior high school student. The alarm was ringing, it was at 7.20 now. Andy began to his miserable day. In the morning , he went to school late, because he missed the bus. Then, when he arrived at the school he found that it was 9 o'clock now. So ,he was scolded by his teacher. When it was at 12o'clock he went to the restaurant that he found that his money was stolen. Therefore, he felt upset due to he have nothing to eat. However, he wanted to call his mother for bringing lunch box to the school. But , his cell phone had no power. Moreover, he got the poor grade on his math test. After the school,he was upset .Then , he looked at the calendar that it was 13th. Friday What a miserable day Andy had!
張貼者： 於

7 則留言:

  1. 純嘉2011年3月16日 晚上10:40

    *suuny sunny
    *he went to the restaurant that he found that his money was stolen.
    第一個that用得有點奇怪

    * due to he have nothing to eat
    這裡是過去是 應該用had

    故事裡面的過程很Miserable
    但是太多then了

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  2. 王巧雲2011年3月16日 晚上10:50

    7.20...7:20

    now...其實不要加比較好吧我想XD

    began to ...不用TO

    when he arrived at the school he found that it was 9 o'clock now. ..school he 中間加,

    12o'clock中間加一個空格

    12o'clock he went ....o'clock he 中間加,

    he went to the restaurant that he found that his money was stolen....that 改成and可能比較順?所以可能後面要加there，不然就是改成下一句再說他被偷錢了(用一些形容詞開頭讓讀者覺得他因為被偷錢所以更悲慘了XD
    又或者下面的moreover用的很好^^

    (有時候逗號後面要空格和逗號前面不要空格要注意哦=)


    因為前面已經有用upset了 所以後面可以用更悲慘的形容詞不過用unhappy也可以啦XD反正換一個就好


    (就算是黑色星期五跟他也沒關係吧?
    Friday後面要句號


    很悲慘欸真的尤其是手機沒電那裡XD

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  3. 小宇2011年3月16日 晚上10:56

    Andy is a senior high school student 時態錯
    用心一點喔

    it was at 7.20 now 過去是怎會出現now 不能中文直翻

    Andy began to his miserable day
    這句話很怪 這樣表示是主角自己要開始不好的一天!!!
    也不是用 began to 唷

    when he arrived at the school he found that it was 9 o'clock now 中間要逗號

    he went to the restaurant that he found that his money was stolen
    這句話錯了 中間的that代表的是餐廳阿 你可以在他發現錢包被偷的前面加 to his surprise/disappointment

    he felt upset due to he have nothing to eat
    時態要注意喔!!

    However, he wanted to call his mother for bringing lunch box to the school
    我覺得你的轉折詞有點亂用喔 however 應該不適合在這出現

    Friday What 沒句號!!

    有些句子跟句子間沒有連貫性 寫文章要專心一點喔!!
    加油

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  4. 李紹瑋2011年3月16日 晚上11:01

    There are LOTS OF grammar mistakes.
    Don't write a sentence without thinking.

    The content is ok .. maybe a bit normal.
    And why dont you write a story of your own experience?

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  5. 匿名2011年3月16日 晚上11:10

    1.Andy began to his miserable day 錯
    2.When it was at 12o'clock he went to the restaurant that he found that his money was stolen你接的好怪 第一個that你前面既沒有動詞 這樣算是形容詞子句吧這樣你要形容餐廳喔= =
    3.he felt upset due to he have nothing to eat
    是"had"
    4. want 人做什麼事是to 不是for

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  6. 勝閎2011年3月16日 晚上11:14

    So ,he was scolded by his teacher. When it was at 12o'clock

    時間那裡沒空格

    When it was at 12o'clock he went to the restaurant that he found that his money was stolen

    he前面+逗點 一句裡面也太多that了

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  7. 應二甲022011年3月16日 晚上11:16

    suuny day ->sunny day

    he alarm was ringing, it was at 7.20 now 要連接詞,用 now 是不是怪怪

    began to his miserable day 應該不用to
    he have nothing to eat =>had

    13th. Friday What a miserable Friday跟What 之間要.

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