There is an encourage story. It is beginning from a boy who called Tom. He was invited to a sports meet in his school. He won first award and he broke the record in his school. So, his teacher wrote a reference for him to enter the excellent school.
When he entered the school he practiced very hard, he obtained his coach‘s praise. However, he broke his leg when he practiced. Furthermore, his leg must be cut off. When he took a long rest in the hospital, he knew that nothing could not beat him. In spite of he had only one leg, he never gave up himself. Therefore, he practiced swimming very hard for attending the World Cup Swimming Championship. So, his coach taught him how to swim with one leg. After hard training, he finally reached his goal. And he won first prize again, he also became a popular person in the school. To sum up, nothing is impossible. Because, everyone can reach his goal no matter what happened to him.
enter "the" excellent school....是an
回覆刪除When he entered the school[ ]he practiced very hard前面After中間[]+and
When he entered the school he practiced very hard
回覆刪除school 和 he 中間加一個逗號吧
*Because後面不用加逗號
回覆刪除SO好多 !!!
in spite of +n.
回覆刪除時態錯不少
回覆刪除1.encourage有點奇怪，用inspiring會好一點
回覆刪除2.It is beginning from 用was比較好吧!
3.In spite of he had only one leg
In spite of 後面要加名詞
所以改成In spite of having only one leg
After hard training, he finally reached his goal After後面怎麼沒有主詞...
回覆刪除After he trained hard,he......
1.and he broke the record in his school he可以省略比較順暢
回覆刪除2.the excellent school 前面沒提到先用an
When he entered the school he practiced very hard, he obtained his coach‘s praise 改成 when he entered the school, he praticed so hard that he..... 比較好
3.he broke his leg when he practiced 我覺得用進行式比較好 when he was practicing.
4.he knew that nothing could not beat him 你這樣用變的很怪 應該是nothing could beat him吧!!
5.有些so 用then替代ㄅ 感覺不會一直重複要
There is an encourage story
回覆刪除encourage 不行當形容詞ㄅ 而且你整篇文章是過去式
所以開頭也要是過去式阿
It is beginning from a boy who called Tom
不行用進行式拉 辜辜加油
He won first award and he broke the record in his school
不是用awardㄅ 應該是prize 應該是 at his school
his teacher wrote a reference for him to enter the excellent school.
這句話變成是他老師要進好學校了
應該是要打 to help him
When he entered the school he practiced very hard
中間兩句要逗號喔
he broke his leg when he practiced
這句話是他自己打斷自己的腿嗎?
要改一下喔
his leg must be cut off
我建議截肢改用amputate 比較高級喔:))
he knew that nothing could not beat him
大錯誤喔 語意錯了
變成任何事都可以打敗他了
not 要去掉
everyone can reach his goal no matter what happened to him
怎會有過去式跟現在式呢!